Day 4: Not off to a good start.

So, as it turns out, eating is important.

This morning, I got through about 30 minutes of Cardio X before I had to stop. Needless to say, I was pissed. And still am, as I sit here waiting for Tommy to finish up our tofu scramble for breakfast. But, then when I break down why I stopped -- I realized I haven't eaten anything in over 17 hours. And I played a lot of derby last night.

I'm trying not to be too angry at myself. I just need to readjust my schedule so I actually eat something before I work out so I don't get dizzy and hit my head on the floor. So now it's time for tofu scramble and for me to not beat myself up entirely.

Day 4, not a success.

Day 2: Also a success!

This one will be a quicky cause I'm trying to fit everything in before the holiday tomorrow...

Day 2 was also a success! For anyone that watched that video that I posted yesterday, you might think it's easy peasy, just 10 different exercises...WELL THINK AGAIN.

I did do better this time around, coming in at 17:04 (about 2ish minutes faster than my first time) -- so that's definitely encouraging. I was still a complete mess afterwards, and for some god awful reason, decided to see if I could do any of the exercises in the Ab Ripper X video from P90X. It's pretty much 15 minutes of pure torture, and while I took several breaks and couldn't always go as fast as they were going, I got through it. Yay for extra exercise! All my hard work was followed up with a bowl of homemade green thai curry and brown rice (thanks Tommy!). All in all, a pretty good day.

Tonight is our league scrimmage, and depending on how many people are there, I may be on the track a lot. Which definitely isn't a bad thing. And I apologize to my derby teammates and friends, but starting today, I'm done being lazy on the track. I'm going to treat every practice, scrimmage, every JAM as if I'm at a tournament playing a bout. I can't afford laziness. I can't afford to be the fat kid in the pack eating Doritos anymore. If I want to become a better athlete, I have to act like it. So it's balls out tonight and every other derby night going forward. I'm not wasting anymore opportunities to kill it on the track. So again, sorry guys! This isn't gonna be easy for me OR for you all.

I won't be bombarding people with posts every single day, but I'll try to check back again on Thursday. Have a happy and safe 4th of July!

Day 1 1/2

Getting back to real life after a weekend packed of derby is insane. It took me basically a week to readjust. BUT! Good news is, the weekend was almost a total success (if you take out the whole teammate breaking her ankle thing. That part was fucking lame.). We won both our games (both teams are currently higher ranked than us so that's good news) and I stayed out of that fucking pool. That's a win in my book. I even ate pretty well, despite all the crap that Feasterville has to offer.

But something else that was really great, was watching all the inspiring athletes that derby has to offer. It's really ridiculous. And it makes me want to pick up my game even more and push harder. I played a lot in both our games, and while I held my shit together for the most part, I came off of that weekend totally exhausted. I know I can do better. And I will. And it begins well...yesterday!

Ok, I missed posting about Day One because we don't have the internet at home so it makes blogging a little difficult. I've got my instructions from Carroll. And, because I have the memory of a standard goldfish, I made myself a calendar. Wicked smaht, I know.

I woke up yesterday morning and knew that I just needed to get my workout in before I could enjoy my day. I know I won't really get that chance most days as I am basically an infant in the fact that I love sleep. Like, seriously, I'm in love with sleep. If you let me, I'll go to bed at 9pm and sleep until 9am the next morning. It's not that I have no energy...it's that I just fucking love sleep. So the idea of getting up any earlier in the morning than I do is ludicrous. I wonder if that mindset will change at all as this process goes on, but for now, weekday work outs are going to be done at night.

So there I was, 9:30am, in my work out clothes and yoga mat ready for action! I wish I had taken a picture of the cats who looked at me from the other room like I was out of my fucking mind. Neither one of them had any clear idea as to what was happening or if they were somehow in trouble. But, I got through my first Cardio X workout with little to no issues! I took two 30-second breaks because I'm fucking out of shape and didn't want to collapse, but to be honest, it wasn't that bad. We actually did a lot of the same exercises over the derby weekend when we did our off-skates practices (thank you, Carroll for inadvertently giving me a heads up) so it wasn't too much of a surprise.

Also? Let me just go on the record: Yoga is no fucking joke. At all. Holy christ, I know that my joints and back sucks from derby...but I think that even in great shape, it would still be hard. And hot yoga?! Go fuck yourself! I am my own sun, essentially, so I don't need to work out in a room that's over 90 degrees. Being alone in my living room, with the AC on was enough for me! 

And diet. This is where my life gets a little complicated. Carroll set up a diet plan, but I don't think I'm going to be able to follow it exactly. I eat about double the amount of vegetables as a normal human being, I don't eat too much dairy, I don't eat meat. And those calorie counting apps are great...but if you are eating a lot of homemade meals that have no real recipe, it's hard to gauge. Like for instance, Tommy made us a lasagna that consisted of: wheat pasta noodles, tomato paste, mushrooms, spinach, garlic, garlic scapes, tofu ricotta, onions and various spices. I don't know how the hell to account for that. There is no such thing on most apps. I am being very careful to not eat giant portions. I'm going to do my best to get really healthy snacks for during the work day, but mainly, I'm letting Tommy take the wheel of diet.

So tonight is my Spartan work out, which is essentially 30 reps of 10 different exercises (so 300 total). This is what it'll look like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsFkdrCUyl0&feature=share

Now, I did this work out last week just to test the waters to see how I'd do. It wasn't pretty. In fact, it turned me into a giant hot and sweaty mess.

Insert miserable face here.

Total time it took? 19 minutes. Yeah, it's fucking HARD. I kind of went into it thinking it wouldn't be so terrible, but holy shit was I wrong. I think that tonight, I'm going to tune into the 103.3 -- and not because I like their new format, it's that I'll want to shut it off. I'm going to use it as motivation to get it done as fast as possible, so I can shut it off. What has this world come to? No more Oldies?! Ugh.

Here's to shooting for a better time!

Addendum to previous post...

I just wanted to add that I know that P90X isn't the only thing I'm going to be doing. I'm basically going to have a week's worth of workouts tailored to me by Carroll (thank you Carroll!), on top of my derby practices. I just wanted to really drive home that the P90X is what scares me MOST out of any workouts :) I'm really looking forward to some of the things that we can do in the summer (paddle boarding please!).

Also, in terms of food -- I'll have Tommy to help me with my meals and nutrition. He is super talented in the kitchen (he won't ever admit that himself) and makes all these delicious vegan/vegetarian meals to die for. It's just a matter of not being tempted to buy crap snacks at the store. Or to eat whatever I want when we're out and about on the town. I feel really fortunate because it's a lot easier to feel supported when you have another person you live with that shares the same views on food and health. And I can't cook for shit, so that's also another factor. My understanding, is that Carroll will plan out a basic meal structure for each week, but I feel confident with handing that over to Tommy as I don't eat meat so my diet is a little bit different than my friend Nicole's. Protein = BEANS, LOTS OF BEANS. :D

So that's it for now, for realz.

No guts, no glory.

The day has come!

I swear, I wasn't putting this day off. I just didn't own a sports bra that doesn't give me wicked uni-boob. I'd like to thank my fellow Ladybro Bash for helping me out with my pictures and measurements cause I'm a complete moron that can't do it herself. And thank you to my twinsie Nicole for putting the photos into a cohesive bunch on her fancy pants iPhone. Thanks for not judging, ladies!

And so, without further ado, here it is.

What, you thought I'd have serious photos? Get real. I need to keep some fucking dignity here. And by dignity, I mean humor cause lord knows it's the only thing that will get me through having these photos online for the world to see. My official start date for this is July 1st, but I'm hoping to do something on my non-derby days, even if it's something small. Otherwise, I'm going to have a brain aneurysm when it comes to the real work outs.

Weight as of this morning: 191.2

I've always told myself that I would never ever reach 200. That this was the number that would jump start me to give a shit about my weight. But honestly, it would have been a HELLUVA lot easier if I had just maintained a healthy weight before I got 9lbs away from that bullshit number. Lesson learned.

Measurements:

Chest -- 40"
Biceps -- (left) 13 1/2", (right) 12 1/2"
Waist -- 37 1/2"
Hips -- 43"
Thighs -- (both left and right) 25" (would have sworn my freakish derby legs would have been bigger)

So there it is. My gut and all it's glory (see what I did there with the tying in of the blog post title? Eh? Eeeeh? Eh.). Ever since I had my appendix taken out, I've been pretty embarrassed of my stomach. Not just because I have a gut, but because they laproscopically took out my appendix, leaving a scar INSIDE of my bellybutton and making it look like a permanent frowny face. (Insert my own, REAL frowny face here).

Here is where I talk about my goals and fears. Only...I really don't have any set goals as of yet. When I think about my weight, there isn't a particular number that comes to my mind. The only thing I can think of is that sonofabitch Wii Fit, where it tells me I need to be at 145lbs. I'm sorry, but that is never going to fucking happen. Also, I'd like to point out how embarrassing it is to have a fat wii character that you have to look at all the time. I just want to fucking HULA HOOP you dickwagon. Stop making me feel bad!

I just want to get to point where I feel good. I don't really need to see a low number. In fact, I really like my curves and I'm not disillusioned into thinking those are all going to go away and I'm going to all of a sudden have a super athletic body. No thanks, I still want to be me. Just a smaller me. Oh, and I'd love to not have a double chin/gobble anymore. That would be pretty sweet. No gut and no gobble.

When I started thinking about doing this and the whole P90X thing, it scared the shit out of me. Still does, actually. I could use every excuse there is to try to get out of it (my back is bad, I don't have the time, I'm fucking tired and want a popsicle instead), because the workouts themselves scare me. But then I realized...I play fucking roller derby. So, there really is absolutely no reason why I should be terrified. I put my body through hell to be able to skate. I know this is going to be really difficult, but so is derby, and I show up 2-3 times a week, every week, for more beatings. And the thing is, I know we can modify certain things if my back isn't up for it.

For those of you who don't know me that well, that is what my back looks like. See those dark discs that are squishing out? Yeah, those would be my bulging/herniated discs in L4, L5 and S1. I really do my best to not complain about it at derby or anywhere else for that matter. I rarely have a "pain-free" day. I'm talking maybe 1 or 2 days a year where I feel 100% pain free. I know my limits and don't over exert myself, but I also push myself pretty hard when it comes to derby -- so I know this whole P90X thing will be a mental test. But I know I can do it. I just need to make sure I do it right. No more excuses.

I think overall, my biggest fear is that I won't be able to follow through. I start a lot of projects and don't finish them. Only this isn't a "I-want-to-paint-this" and then I let it sit for a year and see it and think "Wait-didn't-I-say-I-was-going-to-paint-this?" project. I need to really do this for myself. I need to find some kind of motivation to make it happen. I'm hoping that when you see me, you'll grill me. I need people to annoy me. I need to be pushed. Otherwise I wouldn't be posting fucking photos of myself in a sports bra.

So, this weekend is the infamous ECDX Tournament in Philly, where my team will be taking the track Saturday and Sunday. You can watch all the action if you so please on http://wftda.tv/ (it's almost like we're a legitimate sport or something...)

I know I have my work cut out for me this weekend. Drinking lots of water (no booze!), eating right, not going into that disgusting pool and not overdoing in general it as it's supposed to be in the 80s all weekend. I probably won't be posting until after this weekend, as my brain goes onto derby overload and all technology gets tossed out the window. Phone? What phone? Gotham and Rose are bouting you asshats! Get your asses to Rink 2, STAT!

Enjoy the weekend and I'll catch you all next week!

Here goes everything.

Lets start with the basics for those of you that don't know me (which, if you don't know me -- why the Christ are you reading this).

My name is Emma. I'm 27 and I currently live in Melrose, MA. I play roller derby with New Hampshire Roller Derby (http://www.nhrollerderby.com/). I have amazing friends and family and 2 ridiculously hilarious cats.



Left: Sheriff Duckfart, Right: Gene Parmesan



I love to curse, and I hate when I'm wrong. And I could go on and on about all the fantastic things that I am and have, but lets just cut the shit and get to why I really started up this blog.

I'm overweight. Not like a "HOLY FUCK, IS THAT THE ICE CREAM TRUCK?!" fat. But I am by no means a "healthy" weight. I look at photos of myself and think "What the hell, ANOTHER BACK ROLL?!". I'm hoping that this will be a tool I can use to vent my frustrations, celebrate my victories and maybe just make myself (and hopefully others) laugh. Because honestly, life is just too damn short to not enjoy the shit out of it.

Just recently, I had a conversation with my boyfriend about the things I could do that I could control and change for the better. One of them, is to lose some weight. I don't need Extreme Makeover/Biggest Loser weight loss, but I'd be happy to have a little less baggage to carry around. And while I do skate 2-3 times a week, I find that most days I'm perfectly happy to be a complete lazy asshole. Well -- I'M TIRED OF BACK FAT.

So -- it's time to woman up, and get shit started. Meet Carroll.



2009 was a good year for us Pissahs.

Carroll has been one of my good friends since we met through roller derby in 2006. She's pretty much everything you want in a friend and now she is using me as her guinea pig (emphasis on the pig, what? Too soon?). The good news is, I've essentially been training with her for 6+ years. The bad news is, I've been training with her for 6+ years and know what she's capable of.

In comes the "I've Made A Huge Mistake". For those of you that have never seen Arrested Development, please take a few minutes of your time to catch up on this popular phrase: http://www.collegehumor.com/video/3786003/ive-made-a-huge-mistake 

I think the biggest mistake I've made, is just letting myself get to this point. I don't completely hate my body. But there are things I can't stand to look at and as the years go by, and I find myself less confident than I was in terms of body image. I feel like I've done several positive things over the last few years, including my conversion to a no-meat diet. Yes, I am a vegetarian, and I'm still getting used to saying that. It's weird. I don't drink soda, I only have 1 coffee a day, I don't really eat a TON of the horrible things I used to. But overall, I still need some work. And that's where Carroll is going to come in -- she is going to work with me to tailor a workout routine and push me to my limits. Gee, that should be fun.  

But, thank Christ, I'm not the only guinea pig. One of my other great friends talked me into doing this with her. She is my friend, she is my twin, she is going to pay for making me do this with her. Nicole, you better hurry up and create your blog so I can link people to it (jk jk, I know you're going to jack up the privacy settings on that bitch)



OHIOOOOOO!

We make pool tables look badass.

And we were given our first assignment by Coach Carroll:

1.) Take pictures of ourselves in a (*gasp*) sports bra & spandex pants (this means I need to actually spend time buying a sports bra that doesn't give me complete uni-boob)
2.) Take our measurements
3.) Figure out what our ultimate goals are and what we're looking forward to

4.) What scares the shit out of us (we're not talking spiders here, just straight up concerns with this whole new way of life thing)

So, literally, here goes everything. I know I have my work cut out for me and that I'm not going to succeed instantly. I know there are going to be many days of "I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE, ALL I WANT TO DO IS SNUGGLE WITH GENE". And to make matters interesting. I'm making it all public. But at some point, I need to be held accountable for my actions and this is a great way of doing that. Not like anyone wants to see a picture of me in a sports bra, but what the fuck. I have a sense of humor, so dish out the comments.

Stay tuned for the pictures and measurements (I'm at work so obviously that isn't going to happen this second). And let the shit show begin! May God have mercy on my soul.